Giving your family purpose

Well, the rumor is that all teenagers rebel. Personally, I only bought into that until right before my own kids turned thirteen and then I desperately searched for alternate realities. Just in case there was another option out there somewhere.

Guess what? There are some things a parent can do to make life more relaxed for everybody. Not that parenting is ever easy, you understand.

Okay, every kid has their moments - and sometimes parents do too. What can a parent do to make the natural growing pains of childhood more tolerable for everyone, especially as the children reach the teenage years?

One way to reduce tension in the home and to keep your kiddoes encouraged is to

Clarify Family Objectives.

- As parents, begin by identifying the philosophy and ideas that you want to be predominant in your home.

- Make a list of sound bites that communicate three or four basic principles you want to be true of your family.

- Formulate those into a statement that expresses the purpose of your family; the reason you formed a family in the first place.

- Open the door for discussion around a family dinner night.

- As parents, commit to living as closely as you can to the principles and be willing to make sacrifices for them. Be willing to be held accountable by other family members, including the kiddoes.

- Realize that your ideas will probably evolve. These ideas are like the fence posts around East Texas, the property lines can be adjusted as the herd grows or as your family responsibilities change.

Clear Family Objectives, sort of a game plan for the family, provides security to the kids, giving them a sense of purpose. It's harder for children to be at cross-purposes with their parents when objectives are clearly stated and practiced by the parents.

A wise person told me once that teenage rebellion and hypocrisy in the parents often go together. I've noticed this to be true at my house over the years. Ooh, I hate looking in the mirror. It seems like a parent can't avoid this truth: our children are a lot like mirrors. Therefore, it is critical for us to be alert when we see signs of rebellion in our kiddoes.

Children find boundaries comforting and they are always encouraged when they know they are loved. Besides Clarifying Family Objectives, another way to say I love you is to Say No at an early age.

Then keep on Saying No.

Next week, I am going to list the benefits of including that one small word in your parental vocabulary.

It turns out there is an alternate reality where kiddoes are happy, confident, and filled with purpose. Thank heavens for those friends along the way who encouraged me to ignore the American Myth, "All teenagers rebel"!

I hope you will write me, ifyou have any thoughts to add.

Cathy Primer Krafve, aka Checklist Charlie, lives in East Texas with her family. She welcomes all comments and lists at CeaKrafve2 @aol.com.