FLASHBACK

I watched you prepare for an early sleep,

Moving `round, doing the standards.

I watched your preparations, nary a peep.

Doing nothing, saying nothing, no words.

Your eyes were tired, movements measured.

A soft place called, rest was so near.

I saw you there, someone I treasured.

Not knowing the loss that would be so dear.

You lay down, settling into a comfortable place.

Small adjustments to position, arrangements precise.

Breathing slowed and deepened, no longer a race.

Only small twitches, so tiny yet so very nice.

Myself, I lingered, watching the flickering pictures.

A contest of gladiators battling for a top prize.

The competition would soon be my ligature.

For what would come in looming hours ... a dreadful surprise.

Sleep soon took me too, a diversion from needed aid.

I drifted off, too complacent in the safety of my world.

Soft pillow, vinyl chair, thinking I'm here and well weighed.

That would soon change; the straightness of life to be curled.

The nurse comes in to check on the sick one ... not you.

A tug on my sleeve ... from where did that come?

Medicine given, words spoken, then came the cue.

"Is she breathing?" I ask, sounding out of place and dumb.

The nurse looks at me strangely, then turns to my angel.

(I did not know you were already an angel) ... my love.

She touches, looking for life's rhythm ... the beat;

I grab your wrist in desperation, hoping for my dove.

In that instant, that horrible frozen time, things crashed around me.

In that instant, that indelible page of mine, clocks stopped and locked.

In that instant, a lifechanging event, what was me ceased to be.

In that instant, stars fell, the moon grew cold, my world was rocked.

Now, months later, the echoes of life and death still ring.

Now, months later, the colors and sounds are still drab ...

Now, months later, my heart still tries but can no longer sing.

Now, years later, my mouth still talks but has no gab.

I wander on, on this broken path I must travel on.

I wander on, trying to see what is ahead in my life.

I wander on, being someone now I never was ... a con.

I wander on, less than I was when I had my wife.

by Loyd Cook